Thanksgiving Announcement

Sorry I have been MIA, I've been busy celebrating Thanksgiving with this turkey.

My beautiful, healthy son, decided to make his appearance last Sunday evening. Let's just call him baby D on this blog. He was 9 lbs., 9 oz and 24 inches long. I was in labor for almost a full 24 hours and pushed for almost 3 hours. Getting this lil one (or big one) out was no small task but so worth it!

He looks just like my husband (legit they can be twins) but with my coloring. It is still a debate if his eyes will be brown or blue as they are bluish grey right now but I just melt when he looks at me. They are like lil candy drops.

We are so in love. I cannot even tell you how wonderful of a father my husband J is. A real natural! At times he gets nervous about doing something but once I show him how to do something he does it no problem. And he has just been such a supportive husband. Helping me with breastfeeding and just overall encouragement. The hormones are off the chain. I've been crying nearly every day. It really is overwhelming. But in the best way possible.

I'll save his birth story for another post. It was slightly scary due to the fact I probably should have gone to the hospital a day earlier but I thank God every day for DH's safe delivery.

We got home late Tuesday night. Tues and Wed were exhausting but yesterday and today have been good. For Thanksgiving, my parents just came over and brought food and we cooked here. Very relaxing.

I'm gonna sleep right now cause D just went down.

Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday!

Still pregnant

Tomorrow is my due date and I am still pregnant. No hopes in site for this baby coming on its own. No signs.  My cervix is still closed, plug in tact and I am barely having Braxton Hicks. My body just will not cooperate right now. Figures. Tried everything, walking, sex, acupuncture, raspberry leaf tea. And nada.

I think it is looking like an induction for me. Hopefully but I will not even know until Monday at my next appointment. Looks like I'll be in the hospital for Thanksgiving assuming they even schedule it for next week. The best thing is the baby is healthy and I passed my stress test. I think the thing that I feel frustrated about is I'm due tomorrow. I'm measuring at like 42 weeks. Why do I have to wait to schedule this thing? I want to meet my baby. I want to smell it and kiss it. I've been waiting for this for three years. I know you are all thinking what's one more week and to a degree I agree, but every day longer I do worry about it being in there. I just will feel better when it is out and I know that it is ok. At times I slap its lil butt through my stomach just so it will give me a kick to let me know all is good.

On top of that, we sold the condo just this past Monday. Let me rephrase. We got a contract again. It is for a little less than last time but at this point, we need to move so we took it. With all the baby stuff, it is tight. Doable but tight. And they are doing construction on the exterior of our building which really is not very peaceful for a new baby and parents who are adjusting. The deal is cash so they wanted a quick closing. 11/26! Lucky for me I pushed it off until 12/7 which gives us time to have a baby, be home for a week, and orchestrate a move to my mom's. Then J's parents come to visit on 12/10. I refuse to even think about houses and additional moves until January. Or even beyond.

Everything is just up in the air right now so I am trying to remain calm. The planner in me is having a very hard time. I just remind myself a raise in blood pressure or worrying is not good for my sweet baby still living inside of me. And this situation is not detrimental. And with this time of year, I am just thankful and that is what matters. Thankful for this beautiful baby and that it will come on its own time even if Mommy is panicking. Thankful for my loving and supportive husband, family and friends. Thankful my husband has a good job so I can be home and enjoy this pregnancy and baby. For having a roof over our heads, even if it temporarily is not ours. For selling the condo so we can build our new life with our baby in a peaceful home. Thankful for our health and just our good life. We are very lucky.

The last

I think I am the last of those I follow on the blogs who have gotten pregnant at the same time who has not had their baby yet. Oh well. This baby just is not ready to reveal itself to the world.

Today I am 38 weeks. 20 pounds gained. (Apparently this week I lost 2 lbs.) and a baby that they think is approximately 8 pounds. My cervix is about 80% effaced but closed for business. I'm hoping at my appointment on Monday it decides to at least open up. I'm not even having any contractions. Pubic bone pain after walking and some cramps here and there but no contractions.

Looks as though although I could have this baby at any time, my gut is telling me I'm going full term with probably an induction in my future. I will say I would rather wait it out than be induced. I think I may need to start bribing this baby to come out. My sleeping has been good on some nights but others I am usually up for two hours then have to nap during the day.

I found a few stretch marks under my belly yesterday. I'll take them. Anything for this baby kid.

Now just waiting

Back to the waiting place I once spoke of here but different in the sense we are waiting for our baby's arrival!  I'm 35 weeks as of tomorrow and know this kid can come every day. My gut tells me it will prob stay in there through October which is fine with me. We are ready to go.

A lot has happened since my last post. Our contract on the condo fell through so it looks as though we are staying. I believe in timing and the gods are telling us it just is not out time to move yet. First we are only about a 7 minute drive to the hospital, not that I am worried but if the baby were to come early and be in the hospital we are very close. Second, my doctor as well as the pediatrician are a 20 minute bus ride away. Which will matter when I start having to see him weekly in a bit. If we would have been at my mom's it is over an hour away and could be more in traffic.

We'll keep the condo on the market until the lil one appears but then it will be taken off of the market until probably March. Although small, I cannot imagine keeping this place clean and showing it with a newborn here. At this point J and I have accepted happily that this is where we will bring our baby home. It will be comfy and cozy while we adjust through the winter.

We ordered a changer/dresser, a storage cube and have found a place for everything right now. We have the Co-Sleeper bassinet where the baby will snooze, will keep a pack n play in the living room and everything else has a place in the dresser, cabinet, closet and under the bed. We actually put the furniture together this weekend and it went fairly well. If this kid for some reason outgrows the bassinet before we get out of here, we'll put the crib together here too. Then it will probably be really crowded.

So I think the only thing left is to order a new dining table in chairs. We are getting a round one (loving this one) which will take up only half of the space our other table is now to give us room for the pack and play. It will be interesting when people come to visit but nothing we can do but make the best of our situation which we are.

I had a doctor appointment this week. Everything on track. I did gain 4 pounds (whoops!) but at this point I know it is all going to the baby. And with only 5 weeks left, and only 20 pounds gain, I am pretty proud of myself.

I am so ready to workout again however. It's a workout in itself carrying my belly around but I know I am so less toned. Which is why I love having the baby now. I am hoping to come out this spring feeling, healed, good and healthy for my baby and my husband and myself.

I will really miss being pregnant, so much anxiety right now about becoming a mom (this is what happens when all you have time to do is think). I just want to always do what's right for the baby.

A Whopper of a kid

33 weeks. 7 to go. Holy cow. This has been a very eventful week. Let me just outline it all.

1) Our shower was sooo much fun. We got many wonderful things and I totally feel prepared. It is always so fun to have everyone you love in the same room. My mom even surprised us with two crocheted blankets. I love them! And she has never done that for any of her other grandkids. I guess that is what retirement does. We did receive everything we need however I will never ever recommend for any to register at Target. They do not update the registry for certain things and I got so many duplicates. Plus I received another gift in the mail with no packing slip. My whole experience there really sucked. Even when initially I went there to register. Anyhow, the returns have been returned and the majority of items are at my mom's now. More on that later.

2) Sunday I had my maternity pics taken. I have not seen any of them yet but we had some really great locations. Down by the harbor and at a park. It took about an hour and half so I am hoping there are at least a few good ones!

3) We sold the condo on Monday. We got the price we wanted and we need to move by 10/28. Great. The baby is told daily its only job is to stay in there until the move is over. Let's hope it cooperates.

4) After we found out we sold the condo, we have a doc appointment. We got the 3D ultrasound! That baby is damn cute and all I kept thinking is I cannot wait to kiss that face. Apparently too this kid has a head of hair. So it makes me soo much more excited than I already am. The baby is very healthy, 143BPM heartbeat, but humungous. 6 lbs! I cannot even believe this. I mean I can because my husband and I are not small people (I'm 5'8", he's 6'3") but already??? This whole month I gained no weight but carting around this huge kid. If the doctor is correct, and I go full term, this baby could be a big one. I cannot imagine laboring a 10 pound kid but I guess I should get comfortable with the idea. Plus I have been told by some that larger babies eat and sleep better. I guess we'll see about that.

Right now my focus has to be packing up this place and moving to my mom's by Oct. 22ish. If the baby can just stay in there until then, it will all be fine. Obviously living at my mom's with my first newborn is not ideal, but the thought of having to move twice is less appealing. Plus depending how long we are there, my parents leave to winter in Florida after Christmas so we only would have them around until then. But we have to find a house. I looked today with my realtor and found one with potential but J needs to see it so we are going to go again tomorrow. I'm just not sold on the location and it is a bit more than we wanted to spend. But it is basically brand new. A well done rehabbed home, that we could move right into. This whole thing is a lot at once and I do not want to be rushed into buying something because I think we need to.

I had a feeling this would happen, we'd sell the condo and the baby would basically be on its way out of me at the closing. But again, this is a problem I want to have. Because I really didn't want to have the baby here at the condo anyway. It's just too loud of a place for a baby, and it is only one bedroom. I mean we could have done it but now we do not have to.

The rest of this year is going to be so interesting....

Interesting Comment

So I'm sitting at the salon right now getting a much needed cut and color and I heard the most interesting comment. There is a mom here who is getting her hair dyed and said, "my daughter is a year and a half now so it's time for me to get back to taking care of myself."

I don't mean to judge but for me, I hope it does not take me a year and a half to pay attention to myself again. Not that I am naive about the time it takes to take care of a kid, cause I am not, but at the same time I think you can make your priorities as you see fit. I've seen all of my mom friends do it. You need a cut and color, you get a sitter. You want to go on a date with your husband, you get a sitter. I've waited so long to meet this baby that I know once it is here and I am in love with it will be hard to leave it. However a happy mom is good I think when trying to have a happy baby. So my goal is to still make time for myself as well as enjoy my baby.

32 weeks! Woohoo! My shower is tomorrow (hence the need for a day of beauty) so I am excited. This is the last thing that needs to occur in order for me to feel ready for this baby to come. I ordered my breast pump yesterday. I decided on the Medela Freestyle because I liked the flexibility of it more than the Pump in Style and it was such a deal. In the store it is like $340 plus tax which is 10% where we live but throught my husbands lactation program $230 delivered. Anywhere we can save makes me happy. We still have two more classes (infant care and breastfeeding) to take at the hospital but even without them I'm feeling ready. My weight still has been good but it seems my nose and lips are growing by the day. I plan on curling my hair tomorrow to offset them. 

With the exception of waking myself up from the snoring I have going on, I'm still all around feeling good. So thankful I have had such a good pregnancy.

Monday is my 32 week ultrasound. The doctor is doing it so I am about 85% sure it will be a 3D ultrasound. I am curious to see this baby's face. I still think it will look like my husband but I guess we shall see.

Let's see what else? Oh, we may have a potential buyer for the condo! They came to look at it on Monday, were suppose to come back on Tuesday but didn't and just decided to make an offer. We do not know what it is because it seems the broker on their end has the offer but they have not signed it yet. Come on people. Pregnant woman waiting to figure out where she is gonna end up bringing her baby home to. We go back and forth. I'd like to have a quick closing and go live at my mom's. They will only be here until after Christmas then they go to their Florida home to winter. It will give us a good chance to save an obscene amount of money while taking our time to look for a house. Because even right now there are no houses I have seen online currently that I am dying to look at or buy. And I do not think rushing into buying a house is a good thing even if we do have a newborn. One of my friends suggested maybe renting from the new owner but I don't think it will work. The guy is buying it as an investment but his brother is going to live here so I am sure he will want to move in right away.  It will be interesting to see how this all pans out. I've really just been preparing to bring the baby home in our condo. Lots of changes but all very exciting!

The Big 3-0

30 weeks today! wow, time really does fly. Only 10 more weeks. Obviously I am very interested in 1) are you a boy or a girl? and 2) who do you look like? My husband is white, blond hair, blue eyed. I am brown, with brown eyes and brown hair. So it really is a crap shoot on what this kid will look like. Three of my four nephews on my side all have light eyes and only two have really brown skin. It makes me so excited to meet this one!

I've been feeling good still. Sleep has been good for now. But I feel more tired during the day then I did in my first trimester. And the side sleeping is killing me. I always end up on my back. At my 28 week appointment, I had officially gained 16 lbs in total. It made me happy HOWEVER 7 of that was in the last four weeks, which made me a bit nervous I am rolling downhill fast. It seems this baby is bulking up. Hopefully these last weeks I don't gain too much weight. My doctor does have me now coming to see him every two weeks already because of the IVF and the fibroid incident so I go back on Monday. I first thought I would go full term with this one but now maybe I am thinking it will come early. Not that I want it to. Me and the baby had many conversations where I have stated it needs to stay in there at minimum another 6 weeks, then it can come anytime.

Today we picked up our infant car seat and Pack n Play. J works closely with Rubbermaid so we got 50% off of both! So I did not register for either of these knowing they were such a good deal. When we got home I took the car seat out of the box and cried! Damn hormones. All I keep thinking is this is real, there is a baby inside of me that will be using this seat that we will be responsible for. Pregnancy is so funny. At least for me it may not hit me 100% until this baby is out that it is really happening.

I've been so happy to read about a few new pregnancies! Hooray for Emily at a blanket 2 keep and Toni at Who is this Fertile Myrtle?! And all the new babies being born as well as the ones getting so big! It's amazing how many of these blogs have changed so much in this last year.

I'm still praying for all of you still waiting for your babes. Every night a special prayer for all of you.

Well I guess that is it for now. I need to be better at updating not just reading!

100 days

left in my pregnancy EEK!!! I can't wait to find out what this baby is! I'm not prepared at all. I'm 25 weeks. Which still means plenty of time but we are still in the condo and I am thinking we probably will be when this baby comes. I have a handful of clothes and a diaper bag. That's about it. And my shower is not until 32 weeks. But my nesting instinct has kicked in. I now want to put new carpet in the bedroom and maybe new hardwood in the main room. Have an appointment for that next week. I also want to get a  new dining table and chairs. The one we have is too big and I have been wanting to get a smaller one (something round to maybe use in a kitchen in our next move) that way I can at least make some room for a stroller. I also need/want to order the baby's dresser/changing table which will fit in our bedroom and it takes 6 weeks (damn Pottery Barn Kids) but I am still waiting with the hope we may be out here. But obviously remaining, even in my hormonal state, realistic too.

The baby all in all is doing great. I passed my glucose test (hooray) and have gained 9 lbs. which I am pretty happy about. My goal is 25 lbs. and I am hoping it happens (but I will not beat myself up about it if it does not happen). Easier to come off when all is said and done.  I was talking to a few of my sister's friends and not one of them gained any less than 60 lbs. That just seems crazy to me. I've been lucky in the fact I have not had any crazy cravings and feel I am eating the same amount or less than before I was pregnant. Plus with the baby growing, it takes much less to really make me full.

I did have a little scare this weekend which ended in my first trip to L&D. I have a fibroid which I have always known I had when I got my HSG prior to all the IVF madness. But my doctor said it would not impede implantation which obviously it did not but it has grown. I got it measured at my last ultrasound and it was about 3 cm. Well Friday and Saturday I was in excruciating pain on the side where my fibroid is. First I thought it was round ligament pain but even laying down it was the worse pain ever. Enough to even make me cry. So I called the doctor on call and off we went to the hospital. Turns out the little effer has grown to almost 5cm. I guess what happens is the hormones and blood supply basically feed it but when it gets to a certain size, it cannot be supplied anymore because the baby is taking everything. So at that point it degenerates causing the pain. I read a lot about it online and many women say the pain is worse than childbirth. So if childbirth pain is better than this pain, I'll be fine. They gave me some meds and I am feeling so much better but we just have to monitor it. Because apparently this pain can cause early labor which obviously based on earlier comment, this baby needs to stay in there as long as possible.

It was cute to see J's face in the room they put us in at the hospital. It was basically a room we would deliver our baby in. I liked the wonder on his face as well as the slight scare. Which reminds me I have to sign us up for baby classes. Looks like September is going to be a busy month for us.

The PT nanny job is almost finished as well. I should be done by the end of the month. And I have decided to only see my therapist once every two weeks. I have found that is all I need right now. Maybe it will change once this baby comes but for now, every two weeks works. And it is nice to save a little money from not going.

I know I have not been the best at updating my own blog but I have been reading all of yours and commenting when I can. Hope you are all doing well!

What a Difference a Year Makes

I'm back. Well at least to my blog. I've been good at keeping updated on what is going on with most of you, but I think I am ready to blog again.

One of my biggest things about staying away from blogging is there was a lot of heartbreak going on out there and it really just tears me up. It was hard for me to be blogging about my pregnancy (even though this is my blog, space etc.) knowing there was so much hurting going on. I know that it's not a perfect world and there will continue to be hurt but I hope as well, there are many more rainbows and good things that include everything baby for all of you still hoping and waiting.

A year ago today, I started this blog. It is so funny to read now what my mind frame was. My husband was getting ready to have his TESE in one week and I was getting my schedule ready for my first IVF in August. It was not successful and we took a nice long break to enjoy the fall, the holidays and travel. It seems like forever ago. And I cannot believe that here I am now 22 weeks pregnant after our successful second round in February. And I would do it all again if I had to. I have been enjoying it and just now in preparing mode.  I think the weirdest thing is even when you do get pregnant there is always something to worry about. First, just getting pregnant - shots, ultrasounds, transfers, etc. but now it is staying pregnant and doing everything in your power to do what is best for your baby. And I know once this baby arrives, it brings a whole other set of worries that pretty much never stops.

We recently put our condo on the market. My hope is that it sells before this baby arrives. We'll find a place to live whether we buy a house, rent or just camp somewhere (aka my parents house) for awhile. But I want a whole new start in whole new place with this baby. And even if it doesn't sell, I know we will be fine with this baby here but my preference is to get out. I'm just over living here. Neighbors, noise. We are just ready to have our own space and not share walls.

We are doing well otherwise. Our baby is doing great. All of our tests have been fine. The baby did not cooperate at our 20 week ultrasound (would not turn over) so we went back this week to get the pictures of the heart they needed. And in two weeks I get my glucose test. I'll be glad when that is over.

We are not finding out the gender and we went yesterday to register. Let me tell ya, it is hard to find neutral things! We are putting off any crib/bedding/furniture purchases until we know where we are living and those things may be purchased after the baby comes. My shower is not until Sept. which gives me plenty of time to change my mind 50 times about what I want.

So that's a little update in a nutshell. I haven't not taken a single belly pic. I probably should get on that.

Hope everyone is well! I'll be back to regularly scheduled blogging.

Thanks Ladies

Hi guys, thanks for all of your comments. I really appreciate it. I think I was just having one of those days. I'll be back soon, probably later this week or next.

Still thinking of you all, hoping for BFPs for you cycling this month. Also hoping the preggos out there and the new mommies are doing well too.

OK sounds good to me

Well ladies none of you were interested in my giveaway so it's gone now. Oh well. Now I can just return it with the rest of the stuff.

Hope everyone is well. Going to take a break from blogging for awhile. Just kind of annoyed and not really feeling it.

Finally A Giveaway!

Happy Monday all. It's dreary here today. It's been cloudy and or rainy since Friday here. Boooo.

Things are well. The baby seems to be doing ok. My doctor appointment last week was just an ultrasound and the bloodwork for the Downs test. I just love seeing that little beating heart! The tech said everything seemed ok but I wanted the doctor to call me (I hate waiting to talk to him, it can be up to an hour sometimes). So he calls Tuesday in his suburban office, not the office I go to and I am not even home so he talks to J. J tells him, she wants to know how the ultrasound was and has some questions on whether or not her restrictions can be lifted (mainly, the no sex one) so he tells him he doesn't have my chart (well duh, you are at the other office) so he will call tomorrow. Well he didn't call at all, I left another message on Friday and he still has not called as of today. ANNOYING. So I'm waiting to call on Wednesday when he is in the office I see him in which I am hoping by then too they will have the Downs blood test results so I can have one call with him  finding out about the ultrasound, bloodwork and restrictions killing three birds one stone.

I'd like to start working out again and I would like to know if I can. And I am still taking the baby aspirin which I think at this point I shouldn't have to according to my first appointment with him. And I don't know, have sex with my husband before I get to a point in this pregnancy where I may not want to!!! I just hate when doctor's do not get back to you. Especially because I think I am not stalking him and have been pretty laid back during all of this.

I'm 12.5 weeks so I am feeling really happy about going into trimester 2. The tiredness seems to be lifting. This past weekend (mainly yesterday) was the only day I felt so nauseous through this whole thing. I thought I was going to throw up. On and off all day. But no complaints here. A very small price to pay when I have had zero morning sickness.  And I think my nose is growing from the hormones already. My sister's nose grew a ton during her pregnancies too so I'm ready for mine to take up all of my face by the birth.

And announcing My First Giveaway! I have finally reached 50+ followers so it's time. It will run for a week. You can enter by clicking on the tab at the top of my blog called Current Giveaways. I used Rafflecopter (thanks Emily @ a blanket 2 keep) so I hope it works.

I'm sure you are now wondering "Well, what are you giving away?" I was at Charming Charlies this weekend looking for some jewelry for a wedding this weekend. The dress I am wearing is blue (ocean is the color to be exact) so I bought some coral and gold accessories as a fun Spring pop o' color. Anyhow, I ended up buying a few choices so I decided to give away one of the earrings and bracelets I picked out.

The nice thing about the earrings, is you can loop up the chain through the posts to make them shorter.

So what do you have to do?

First, be a follower of my blog! Please write in the comments on the giveaway what your screen name is. (And feel free to post on your blog if you would like, I love new followers!)

Second, answer the question. I began watching The Conversation with Amanda de Cadenet on Lifetime. Basically this interview show, with celebrity women talking about all sorts of women's topics (life, love, career, kids, you get the point). Anyhow at the end she always asks "What is you favorite sexual position?" (THIS IS NOT THE QUESTION I AM ASKING) and another question which is included in the giveaway.

Good Luck! I'll announce the winner next Tuesday. Let me know if something is not working.

Second Award

I should have posted this last week but I got another blog award!

I received this from the lovely mum over at Adrift on a dandelion breeze so thank you! I'm now officially at 50 followers so I will be posting for my giveaway (finally) later this week but in the meantime, here are the rules of this award:

1. Share who gave you this award with a link back to their blog (check - see above)

2. Write down 7 random facts about yourself

3. Give this award to 15 others

4. Let them know they have an award

5. Pop the award on your blog

Seven random facts about me:

1) I love cooking and entertaining.  I have only had a few get togethers in this apartment in the last 12 years I have lived here due to the small space but hope once we have a house, I'll do it more regularly.
2) If money was no object, I would travel the world.

3) I love game apps on my iPhone. Very addicting.

4) I wish I was a more consistent reader (of books). I go in spurts. I'll read 3 books then none for a month or two. 

5) I could never live in the country. It would be a nice place to visit but I could not stay. I'm a city girl through and through.

6) Marshmallows and coconut flavoring in savory foods, grosses me out. 

Totally boring, I know.

Now who to give the award too. To all the ladies at these blogs:

Who is this Fertile Myrtle?

Our Journey through this Lovely Life

Life and Love in the Petri Dish
The Road Less Traveled
My Fertility Blog
Compromised Fertility
My Hormonacoaster
Do I have to be a D.I.N.K?
The Yount Happenings
Fertility Frustration
Life is Simple, It's just not easy
A blanket 2 keep
Baby NV
The Reluctant Infertile
Trying 4 a Baby

Closet Overhaul

So this weekend it had to be done. As I approach my 12th week, I had to get some new jeans. I have two pairs of regular jeans that fit me comfortable only because I bought them a size larger than I normally am. I tried Gap Maternity but they did not have my size at the store so off to Destination Maternity I went. I opted for the demi panel ones which are comfortable but still slip down a little. I love having a lil belly (well at least bigger than it normally is) now knowing the baby is growing away. I also got some tops too, ones I can wear tighter for now with a belt than grow into.

I had a bachelorette party on Saturday night. I broke in one of the jeans. I had to wear a bella band too to keep them from slipping too low, but they were comfy. It was actually very fun despite not drinking. The wedding is in two weeks and I need to get a dress for that too.

So at this point I think the only clothes I am going to keep in my closet is my growing collection of maternity clothes (hoping to get double use if I can get pregnant with #2), shoes and a few dresses. I'm going to completely clean out my closet and put everything in storage. Our condo is going on the market in a few weeks so the more we can declutter the better. And I figure if we are still there in the fall/winter, I can just get what I need out of storage then. I just need to light a fire under myself to get going. I need to clean out our bookcase and put that in storage plus our main closet in the hallway and get rid of some kitchen stuff. Thank God we have a storage space. But after all this I think is is going to be pretty full.

We found a house we really liked yesterday. But the problem is we have to sell our condo and it is not even on the market yet. This is why you should never look for a house until your place is sold. But I think we need to see it again. The kitchen is a bit small and so is the yard but we really liked everything else. But both of these things were high on priority list so maybe now it is not for us. Ho hum.We are going to talk to our mortgage agent today see if we can see it again and if there are any options for us because our place is not on the market yet but soon will be.  I woke up at 3 with my mind racing about this dumb house.I know there is a huge change (more than 80%) we are still going to be living here when the baby is born and I am just gonna roll with it. We only live in a one bedroom condo and they are a dime a dozen around here so I see this being a long process. But I am only stressing about the things I can control which right now is decluttering this place and saying every extra dollar we have.

Today I had a doctor appointment. So happy to see the babe again! I just want to know everything is a-ok in there. I'm sure it is but I just love seeing this lil thing up on the screen.

Better I promise

I need to get better about blogging. There are so many things I think about or read about that I know I want to blog about but I just have not been making the time. So boo to me. I'm going to get better at it starting now. I started drafting this on Monday and finally posting today.

The weekend was good. We had dinner at a friend's house on Friday night and then one of my best friends came into town Saturday and Sunday. There was a group of us for a nice dinner and drinks then Sunday another friend of ours had a brunch for everyone too with their kids. It was fun. It's nice to see all the new babies and how big the others are getting. And it was especially nice to get in quality friend time. With everyone living in different places and having kids in all different stages or none at all, it's nice when we can find time to get together and catch up.

Unfortunately last week I had a long discussion with two different friends regarding infertility. One of my friends will be 40 in June and has been trying for over two years. She just had fibroid surgery and now is trying naturally but the doctors are suggesting due to her age her best bet is IVF. Which we all know is expensive. They do not have coverage so it would all be out of pocket so I think it is just a matter of when they can get the money together and move forward. It just breaks my heart for anyone 1) who even has to go through any infertility protocol especially IVF and 2) just may not have the means to do it. UGH!!

I had another friend who is in the beginning stages. Been trying for 6 months and in her low 30s and her doctor is pretty proactive. She was going to go on clomid but they suggested having her husband tested first before they decide on their next move. My discussion with her was basically about just being an advocate for herself through this and staying proactive. If there is an issue, the sooner she can nail it down the better. And better to know there are no issues at all so she doesn't need to worry.

On the pregnancy front, I am 11 weeks and feeling good. I had a lot of cramping last week but I am sure it is still growing pains. After a few nights this weekend of staying p past my normal preggo bedtime, I slept for a very long time last night. I really am thankful for how easy my first trimester has been. I wish we could see the lil Gobbler this week, but my next appointment isn't until Monday. I just feel better knowing everything is going ok in there. I feel my stomach getting harder and am starting to pop a small bit but can still wear my clothes but I do not think for much longer. At least my jeans. I'll have to start wearing the bella band all the time or invest in some of those demi panel jeans. I'll be glad once summer is hear. Dresses will be easier to deal with then jeans all the time.

It was our anniversary on Wednesday! Two years! Even with IF being a PITA, they really have been happy years and I am looking forward to many more. We went to dinner at the best new restaurant and it was delicious. And I really have not missed drinking. I think people need to ask me again in about 3 or 4 more months.

So for fun, J and I were doing old wives tales tests to see what the gender of the baby is. Everything is pointing to girl - ring on a string, Chinese birth chart. I have always thought girl anyway. We are not finding out and I could care what that baby is as long as it is healthy. I had a friend who with her first cried when she found out it was a boy because she wanted a girl so bad. Not this girl, just thankful for this baby no matter what the gender.

A Wave Hello

Had a bit of a scare on Saturday night. We went out to dinner with friends and on the way home I had cramping. Like the kind you get right before you get your period. I was not too worried until we got home and peed and there was brown spotting in the toilet and when I wiped. I was panicked it was going to turn red so I called the on call doctor and he told me it was pretty normal and to take it easy until today when I could get in to see my doctor. I put myself on bedrest yesterday for the day and the cramping and spotting continued on and off throughout Sunday and last night. I woke up this morning feeling much better in general but still went in to get a scan. I had my first ultrasound on my belly (until we meet again Wandie)and the baby was fine. Heart beating away at 177 bpm and waving hi to mom and dad. I feel 1500% better and now just waiting to have a quick word with my doc. And apparently I have only gained one pound since November, not three. I think I just have lighter clothes on today. My gut kept telling me it was completely normal, my uterus is probably stretching and the blood could have been residual from many things including my cervix exam last week but just seeing the baby moving and being what it should be right now is the best thing for my peace of mind. The one thing I learned from this is I truly believe this baby is mine and I am taking it home healthy. I believe I need to have more faith in my body and my baby. Cause it is our time and this is happening.

That little beating heart

Our first OB visit was yesterday and everything was great. We had to wait a bit to see him (per the usual) and then we were there for three hours! Peed in a cup, bloodwork, got an exam, a cervix check, and an ultrasound to check on the Gobbler. Baby is still doing fine. Was measuring at 8 weeks, 6 days (I was 8 weeks, 4 days) and a heartbeat of 176 bpm. We got a 3D shot of it and it is starting to look a little more like a baby. Every time I see that little beating heart, I just melt. It's so damn cute flickering on that screen pumping so fast. And I just think, that's our baby in there! Which puts me at ease that this pregnancy is real and happening.

The doctor did a great job answering all of our questions. I'm still on restriction to no working out, sex or heavy lifting and although I am off of all the hormones from IVF, I still need to take the baby aspirin. But I should hopefully be fine after the first trimester. I was up about 2 pounds since I was there in November and through my many questions and concerns, I am going to start seeing a nutritionist to keep my weight gain to a minimum. The doc and I both agreed I should not gain more than 10-20 pounds more.

We go back in two and a half weeks for another ultrasound and the MaterniT21plus test which basically is a new kind of blood test they use for Downs (Trisomy 21, 18 and 13). At 36, I am right on the curve where the risk goes up for Downs so we figured this blood test will let us know what our true risk is. I am definitely ruling out having an amniocentesis. It's just not worth the risk.

I did have a little spotting after we went to the doctor which stopped about 2-3 hours after. I wasn't panicked I just figured it was because of the cervix check. But the doctor forgot to mention that and J and I looked it up online. I was fine this morning too so I am sure that it what it was.

So that's it. I have therapy today which should be interesting. I haven't been for about three weeks because of vacation so I am sure I have plenty to talk about. But maybe not. I've just been so happy, content and calm but at the same time kind of to myself. I am just kind of in a weird place not knowing really what to do myself. I think maybe the tiredness is making me feel so weird and that next trimester I begin to feel like myself again. Well at least I hope.

Friday Motivation please

Happy Friday! I just updated my blogroll and added my maternity timeline to the blog today. It is so crazy this pregnancy is REAL!!!! I'm trying to get motivated to get moving. Lots to do and the day is half over. Finally unpacking from our trip. Laundry needs to be done but I may wait until tomorrow. Need to clean the bathroom and change the sheets, hit Target (for all my Easter stuff!) and go visit a friend who had a baby a few weeks ago. And I would like to squeeze in a mani/pedi. It is just hard feeling tired and fatigued. Not that I am complaining. I'll take it with a smile on my face and the biggest song in my heart. I

My first OB appointment is Monday afternoon and I am excited. And only two more days of progesterone and I am free of fertility meds. It does make me nervous to think I probably will not be having an ultrasound until week 12 but I'm going to talk to my OB about it. I just like a little more timely reassurance and I do not want to buy a doppler.

Hope everyone has a great weekend and a Happy Easter/Passover!

I've been sprung!

We finally got back from vacation last night. The total drive is 19 hours and on the way back we split it into two days. I had not been feeling good, just sooo tired so DH drove both days.

Our vacation was awesome. So when we got to my parents finally in Florida, we stopped at Kmart (only option on the way in) to get a baby frame or something to put our ultrasound pic in. Let me tell ya, it was slim pickings but I found this. I think it says it all.

My parents opened it when we got there and my mom cried. I think my dad kind of knew as I had been avoiding his calls and just short on the phone with him the last month or so but they were both happy and excited. My mom keeps the frame on her nightstand now in their FL home.

The rest of the vacation we spent time at the pool (minimal time in the sun for me, and no swimming per the docs orders), went to Disney for a few days, went to a water park (again no fun for me really), then visited my aunt who lives by this gorgeous beach. We also did a nature drive and saw a few alligators and sea turtles. The rest of the time was a lot of eating and relaxing. I have been afraid to weigh myself but my jeans fit today (I didn't wear jeans once on vacation) so hopefully I didn't gain too much. I tried to walk as much as I could and one day my ankles actually swelled. Damn salt, heat and water retention. Not looking forward to that this summer. We did buy our first thing for the baby...it is a baby stuffed Dumbo and it is so damn cute. And perfect for a boy or girl.

But with the exception of wanting to sleep 24 hours a day, I really have no other symptoms. I get a little nausea sometimes, but it is rare. So with the lack of symptoms, I was a little worried about the progression of this pregnancy until today.

This morning my stomach was doing somersaults. So nervous. But we had our second ultrasound today and our baby is doing great. Measuring right on the money at 7 weeks, 6 days and a strong beating heart at 164 bpm. Here is a pic of our lil one!

I was crying when we saw that little beating heart and I knew everything was ok. J was happy because the tech showed us the baby skull and where the brain is growing and he said after, "perfect candidate for science camp." After the ultrasound, our RE happened to be in the clinic today so we got to see him and he basically said we're done! They are sending all of the ultrasound information to my OB and I am officially released. He said I could stop my estrogen patches today (which conveniently I forgot to put a new set on this morning, so maybe the baby knew) and I can stop the progesterone on Sunday. I forgot to ask him about the baby aspirin and when I can work out again but I'll call the nurse later today or tomorrow and ask.

Great ending to a great vacation. Glad to be back. I feel better about everything but think I will feel best once I hit 12 weeks.

I have acupuncture later today. Only four more visits with her and I am sprung there as well!

Surprise!

Well after being in Nashville and Atlanta the last few days, we are five hours from Florida! Sun, fun and my parents house! And today is the day we tell them we are pregnant! We have our ultrasound pic so I think we will just show them and tell them. Although I am slightly scared daily for our second ultrasound in a week and a half I am also constantly reminding myself what will be will be. So again just enjoying it. It is so weird to say "I'm pregnant." and talk about it like it is real, but it is. I've lucked out with no morning sickness thus far, just a little nausea at times and an upset stomach if I don't eat every few hours. Cramps and twinges still here and there. I think my body is adjusted to the hormones as I am sure it is thinking this is nothing compared to the shots during IVF. Still very tired. I've tried to sneak in little naps during the day so I am not pooped at night and it works.

Greetings from the Road

It is about 3:30 Eastern time and we are approaching Louisville, KY. Only 3 more hours to Nashville. The road trip has been pretty fun so far. One bathroom break, a food and gas stop(Chick-Fil-A, Yum) and a whole lot of exciting talk about the baby! Our ultrasound went great this morning! Baby measuring right on the money at 5 weeks, 6 days. We saw the gestational sac, the yolk sac and the little Gobbler. That's my name for the baby as my due date should fall right before Thanksgiving! And it loves to eat. The heartbeat was 99 bpm, which I was worried was low but it's not even officially 6 weeks yet. So no fretting, just enjoying. They wanted me to come back next week but we will still be gone so I am going to make my appointment for April 4th right after we come back. I'll be just about 8 weeks. We are very excited. A great start to our vacation and even when it ends I'll be so happy as we get to see the baby again.

Vacation

T Minus three days! We are really excited to get out of this place for a few weeks. A ton of relaxing and fun in the sun.  Not that we should be complaining about the weather where we live. We have been lucky to have the most beautiful days of weather in March ever.

I have had such great weekend.  I had a girls cocktail party on Friday night then a 30th b-day party. I had to head home at 11:30. I've been really trying to listen to my body and not push anything. Yesterday a friend had a St. Paddy's day party during the day. A ton of fun and I really didn't miss drinking. My husband  hit it pretty hard but he was that good drunk that was funny not at all annoying. We were home by 6 and I was in bed by 8:30. And today I'll be hitting downtown with a few of my friends to do a little shopping and then out to dinner with J.

My last beta came in on Friday at 1,888. I'm glad it keeps rising. Symptoms are good, cramps here and there and fatigue and tiredness later in the day. The boob pain has not let up. My first ultrasound is Wednesday at 10am then right after we hit the road for our long road trip to Florida.

We are going to make a few stops along the way. We first wanted to go to Memphis but of course the procrastinators we both are waited to book a hotel this weekend and they are all full. So we changed the plan and our first stop will be Nashville. Which is better anyway because it cuts about and hour - two hours off of the trip. We are in Nashville for two days then to Atlanta for a day then we'll arrive in Florida Saturday sometime. I usually hate car trips (too many as a kid) but looking forward to it with J. Just him and I and the open road and hours to talk about the crazy future ahead. Plus my acupuncturist thought it was a good idea to drive as she would not recommend flying right now.

I'm hoping our ultrasound brings good news of progression of this pregnancy. Our only expectation is one strong growing baby. If there is two, I think we will be shocked but of course happy.  My parents have been in Florida since New Years and have no clue we did another round of IVF so we're excited to tell them we are pregnant. My sister and her family are going too so we'll be spending the week laying in the sun, going to Disney, Epcot and just hanging out at my parents house. My RE says I cannot swim. Too early in the pregnancy so the risk of infection is high. The nurse told me I can dip in and out of the pool to cool off but cannot sit in the pool or actually swim. I'll be glad when all the restrictions are lifted (no working out, lifting or sex) but if having a healthy full term pregnancy means these restrictions continue and more, I will gladly take them. I will have to say though the sex restriction at this point is killing me, as well as my husband. It does get annoying I cannot just be normal and pregnant but I am truly hoping in another month I can at least stop taking my meds.

Thank you everyone for all your congratulations and good wishes. We are truly happy and taking it all in day by day.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!

IF - KEEP OUT

I've been wanting to blog some more these last few days but our Mac needed fixing so we took it to the Apple doctor. We got it back and all is good back in our household. I just hate blogging from my phone and the iPad. The keyboard is just not the same and neither is navigating web pages.

What a few days it has been for us. We had our second beta yesterday at 14dp5dt and it was 713. We have our third one Friday and hopefully our first ultrasound next Tuesday and Wednesday to see the sacs before we leave for vacation.  I'm feeling good.  My cramps finally subsided. But my boobs get sorer by the day and I am very lucky that I have had no spotting. Hungry and tired. Sleep has been an issue. I think the first few days it was the excitement but I now think it is anxiety. Not about the pregnancy as much, I cannot believe it but I can keep that at bay, but more for getting everything done in 9 months. My therapist and I talked about it yesterday so I am working on it and I hope today at acupuncture she can do something too.

It's hard to believe a week ago I was on the roller coaster of doubt. Last Tuesday and Friday (before we got the news) were bad days for me consumed with next steps for another cycle, how this cycle did not work. J always had a good feeling and I would say 80% of the time I would too but that 20% still got me. And even though I know this pregnancy can change at any point I am just trying to live in the moment. Am I scared at times? Of course, but no more than anyone else pregnant for the first time. I know IF can bring so much more into that but I am just not letting it. My husband told me his biggest fear was always just getting pregnant but once I was it would be fine. And all signs are pointing to fine right now. Every step provides a little more reassurance. Another beta, the first ultrasound, another ultrasound, etc. I know once we have an ultrasound I will feel better but no matter what we see, it doesn't give us a guarantee. But I do know that I refuse to not let IF at this point ruin any of our excitement and hopes. And most of all my happiness.

And I still hate it every day with more followers and reading more stories, how this is affecting so many of us. How it is unfair and a bunch of bullshit when others around us look at each other and get pregnant. Even after getting a BFP, you don't forget. You don't forget the struggle. And I am not forgetting about any of your struggles and how I hope for everyone that you just get pregnant and get those babies and have those families we dream of.

Sorry for the suspense

First, I am soo soo sorry I have not posted until now. Thank you for all you lovelies caring so much about what is happening, and wanting to know! Don't know how I would be surviving all this without you all. There is so much more to say than just in this post about the whole 2WW and my downs during it, but like I said I wanted to find out and process a little which is what I did. And of course I wanted to tell a few people (who I also would tell if anything went wrong) and today brought about some clarity to write because yesterday was a whirlwind. And I am still feeling the aftermath. So I am sure you can guess...

I AM PREGNANT

It feels so good to write those words. I cannot even believe it. I am still in shock. But oozing with happiness!!!

My beta was 149. We found out yesterday after work. I came home and J was already drinking scotch to calm his nerves. He listened to the message first because I was so scared. He looked red and teary-eyed so I was shaking my head NO! but then he told me it was positive. And then of course I had to listen to the message. Twice.

And I finally took a home test and sure enough, two lines.

I go for my next beta on Tuesday and I just am feeling good about all of this. I'm not letting those evil IF thoughts or doubts even get in on this. So I am going to bask in the positive. And not predict the future. And not worry for now, what is next.

We celebrated at dinner with a mocktail for me and cocktail for my husband. It was funny because we got a table at the window facing the street in a very busy neighborhood in our city. In the time we were eating, three very pregnant ladies (one carrying ice cream ironically) walked by and one kid had a full on meltdown in front of our window. What are the chances of that? After that, I looked at J and said, "What did we do?" But then of course laughed.

I'm just happy. At least today. I couldn't even sleep last night. Just too much excitement.

I am however thinking of the ladies cycling with me over at MyFertilityBlog and Hope Delayed who have their betas today. A big prayer to you both that today is filled with good news.

And I have more posts this week coming up, thoughts on the 2WW, therapy and of course A GIVEAWAY so I hope you stay tuned!!!

Have a wonderful Saturday!

Barfing with anxiety

Not literally. I had my beta early this morning and just waiting for the call. My husband and I will listen to the news together after work. Then I will need process. Then hopefully I can pull it together for an update. I do know we have dinner plans tonight either to celebrate or get wasted. Obviously I hope it is NOT the latter. I can't even think about symptoms right now. Cause it don't matter anymore. The verdict is in today.

6dp5dt

Hi all. Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. After being cooped up in the house all week, I had to get out for a bit. Husband and I went out for dinner Friday night. I had the most delicious mocktail. Muddled blueberries and raspberries, lime juice, sour mix, simple syrup and soda water. I plan on recreating it at home. It was a fun date, good food, good drinks and convo about our potential baby or babies.

Anyhoo, as far as any symptoms, the breast pain I am experiencing is off the hook. Seriously any slight movement and there is extreme pain. Could be the progesterone (bitch) but I do not remember last time being in this much pain as far as the girls are concerned. And breakfast and I are not sitting well together today. I cannot wait for this week to be over to know what these symptoms actually mean.

Even if our beta is positive, I will not feel out of the woods this trimester until we see a heartbeat(s). We leave for vacation on the 21st for 10-12 days (more on this in another post) so I am hoping if yes we are pregnant we'll get to see something before we depart.

My husband left yesterday for a business trip. He comes back tomorrow and I thought the moment he left I would want to test and I have no desire. I'll keep the hope alive as long as I can. I am just calmer about the whole thing. I just feel at peace at least until we find out. Then we shall see.

And so many other ladies out there in their 2WW! I'm praying for us all, that we get our BFPs and can move on to the next phase of anxiety!

Which PS what is with the cycle sistas logo/tag? If you click it, it goes to some other website. I took it off my page.

Also I am very close to 50 followers so today I am venturing out to look for something cute to give out for my giveaway. I will be posting more this week.

Happy Monday!!

Happy and full of hope - 2dp5dt

This whole process has been way better this time around, despite the slight dramas before it all started. They were worth it. I feel happy and full of hope. Last time around I already felt this did not work. And now I am trying to believe it actually will happen.

Our retrieval was 9 (6 mature) as opposed to 14 (8 mature) the last time. I was a little sad about it but reminded myself it's quality over quantity. We had 4 fertilize this time as opposed to last time we had 6. But we still in the end we had 3 like last time. They also defrosted more vials of our sperm (3 as opposed to 1 the last time). Transferred two good quality full blasts (as opposed to the average blast and morula last time) on day 5 and the last one made it to freeze yesterday. I could not be happier with any of this. Just way better than last time.

And my plan worked! I posted this after our last cycle about our embryologist. We didn't really like him last time but I think it helped that this time around, we actually knew everything he was talking about. And Tuesday we were chatting with him like we were old friends. Him and us chatting about Cross-Fit. I guess easier to do when he is delivering good news.

And the valium before the transfer. It's so fun that valium. Needless to say once it wore off, I took a nice nap. I went to my last acupuncture that evening and my acupuncturist basically said, "Just call me when you get your beta back."

Last two days spent time resting, planning for our upcoming spring road trip (more on that later), reading mags, tv, etc. My sister came yesterday and brought food and cooked for us. It was nice to spend time with her too.

All I can say is I am so happy. Last time I was already so defeated at this point. But right now, I am so positive. I just hope I can remain this way through next week.

Oh please let this be the cycle! Let this be a long, viable pregnancy. With increasing betas, ultrasounds and heartbeats and a baby(ies) in the end.

An A-Ok over here

Hi everyone, sorry for the MIA. Taking time today to catch up on all your blogs. Things are good over here. You know standard roller coaster of emotions will it work, will it not.

I forgot to tell you guys but I got a PT job. I am nannying for a friend of mine 2-3 days a week. It's a little boy and he is 3 and such a great kid. I plan on doing it until the early fall when he goes to pre-school. It was exactly what I needed. I was there three days last week but just yesterday this week. Gets me out of the house, make a little cash and hang out with a fun loving kid to work on my motherly instincts. I have been busy with that but after yesterday I am not going back until March 8th. And I plan on laying low. Plenty of time to concentrate on the retrieval, transfer and the lovely 2WW.

Stimming was good, up until the last few days. Have not been feeling so hot. I also wish my left ovary was doing a bit better but there is a party in the right ovary. Trigger is tonight. I am just so bloated, crampy and woke up with sore boobs. We are also suppose to go to this embryology seminar tonight but if I am not feeling good, we're not going. Plus I am still waiting to see when my trigger time is.

But my head is in a good place. Not great but good and way better than last time.

Tomorrow I plan on hitting church, acupuncture and the craft store. Need to get some things to keep me occupied the next week and a half. I am hoping to grab some good magazines too.

Hope everyone has a great Fat Tuesday. I just had a red velvet cupcake. Scrum-diddly.

Congrats to all you lovelies and your BFPs!!! And for those still waiting, I'm praying for you every night.

Bring it on.

So here is it. Again.  The large box of fun arrived yesterday afternoon.

All starting tonight. Round Two, ding, ding.

Last night I went through the drug tutorials again. It's been 5 months, so my memory lapsed a little in how to mix them. I'm lucky, only one shot a day at night and both the Menopur and Gonal I mix in one shot.

I finally got my period after stopping the pill. I was wondering what was taking it so long. Not that I was worried. We all know I couldn't be pregnant, silly me! It doesn't take just sex! Just a team of 5, 10 days of shots, two procedures and some other drugs in between. Duh.

I had my baseline U/S and blood on Thursday. Everything was great as usual and they gave me the green to begin.

My husband was cute this morning. We woke up and snuggled in bed and he is a little nervous and worried for me but of course so excited. I am so thankful I have him every day. No matter what happens I know as long as I have him, we'll deal.

 I must say my head is in a great place right now. I feel strong physically and mentally. So easy to say when you have not started stimming yet and the hormones have not taken over. But I have such a better feeling about this round than last. Smarter, more prepared and stronger. (I totally have Kelly Clarkson's Stronger lyrics going through my head). And I know this cycle is suppose to happen, cause it has been such a bitch to get here.

So wish me luck. I cannot promise I will update, I'm gonna see how I feel, but I'll be back. And I'll be following along on all your blogs. All of my Cycle Sistas out there, hoping for BFPs all around.

Bad Me

So I've been going back and forth with the insurance company to approve my damn prescriptions. After numerous calls for almost 2 weeks, I finally got the approval yesterday. So I call the pharmacy to find out that our drug bill for this cycle will be $7,900. I was not expecting this at all. Which is really my fault. I know our maximum coverage for meds lifetime is $7,500 however I did not know that we blew it all last round. I thought maybe we spent $4,000-$5,000 of the coverage and we would pay a few grand but not almost $8,000. So bad me for not double checking that. After I hear this I start having heart palps about how much money this is because we have not planned for it. But what can you do. Pay for it. I was pretty upset yesterday because I was just caught off guard. Needless to say I did cry a bit.

I pulled it together today and called the pharmacy back to pay, but when we go through the prescriptions, I realize they had not accounted for the fact I already had two full Gonal F Pens (liquid gold people, $1200 a pen) and a box of Menopur from my last cycle. Plus with my insurance not covering these meds (so ironic after stalking them for 2 weeks), the pharmacy can process them in a different way to get a few discounts.

Well God Bless Toni, the pharmacist who helped me today. She went through each medication processing it either through our insurance or this other RX plan and getting us the best price on each one. Plus she even had a $50 coupon for the Endometrin. So our total price $4,300. Quite a difference from $8,000. And it kills me because what our insurance charges for some of the drugs vs. this other RX plan was quite different, basically robbery. The things you learn.

This cycle just has to work. I had a problem even getting this cycle approved because I had a day 5 FSH test vs. a day 2-3 that my insurance requires. Well I got that approved by them. Then all the red tape with the meds. I'm just seeing it as a sign this cycle is suppose to happen now. I'm feeling very positive now going into it after a bad day yesterday. Much different than cycle 1.

And I would just like to say all of you who are doing this all on your own, with no insurance coverage, and no financial help, I truly commend you for all you are doing to fight IF and get that baby of your dreams. It's already so hard on the mind, body and spirit then just the money on top of it can really put all of this over the edge.

Another Blog's Giveaway

Just wanted to quickly post, Emily over at a blanket 2 keep, is having a chocolate giveaway so go enter! Who doesn't love free candy?

I am trying to pull it together for my own giveaway especially because I have a few new followers so I promise I'll get it together and post it soon.

Fed Up

With it all. I am tired of my fucking RE's office. I am tired of my fucking insurance company. Is there a reason it has taken 58 god damn emails to get an authorization and a prescription filled?

It all started Friday when I called the pharmacy to see if they were shipping the drugs this week. They said they were still waiting on an authorization from the insurance company. I proceed to call them and they give me the wrong number to the specialty pharmacy who is suppose to approve the order. So I call again today, get the right number and they inform me that the RE's office needs to approve the prescription with the insurance company first before they can release approval to the pharmacy. So now I am dealing with my RE. I am just so annoyed and then on top of it my husband is like, "why are you getting so mad about it?" How about because I am tired of dealing with these people.  And how about because you don't have to, so please allow me to be mad. UGGH! I want to punch something.

Thank God I have acupuncture later. My blood pressure needs to come down.

UPDATE: After a lovely nurse at the RE's office was on a 40 minute call with the insurance company, it seems one of the insurance company nurses need to approve the prescription for it to be released to me. I  spoke to a nice lady there who assured me they are expediting this and they will follow-up with me tomorrow.

Hubby and I are fine. We hashed it out over lunch and he is dealing with my madness.

Much more zen now after acupuncture. And she did give me a few extras in the wrists for anxiety.

On the down, in a good way

So I had weighed myself yesterday and noticed I have lost about 5-7 lbs. since going to my gyne appointment in December. I had a feeling I was losing because my stomach has seemed smaller and my neighbor mentioned it to me a few days ago too. And today, my spin instructor asked me if I lost weight too. I told her a little but I thought it was more inches than pounds which is true but she said I looked a lot smaller and she could tell in my face. Hooray for that. Because even though I cannot sew my lips shut, her class is in no way easy and I am glad my 3-4 times a week visits are paying off at least a little. It prob could be at least 2 lbs more if my boobs were not so damn swollen from being on the pill right now.

I know too once I start stimming I will be eating the best I can (high protein) and I plan on walking again. So feeling good, strong, hopeful, positive. Great to start to the weekend.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone and enjoy the Superbowl!

New Mantra

First I would like to say I am up to 25 followers! Holla! When I started this I just had 4 followers. So thank you all for taking the time to read my blog and comment. I will have a giveaway soon, need to find a good giveaway gift....hmmm.

So I have a new mantra. And I can thank Jay over at The 2Week Wait for providing it to me. She had written a post on Thursday (prior to her CSection on Friday) which really has been resonating with me.


"Until someone tells me this whole thing is not possible, there are always options and possibilities."


It was just so perfectly stated, it instantly put me at ease about this next cycle. Because you just never know what is going to happen. No one has said it is not going to work, so you cannot think it won't. Going to chant this on a daily basis for the next two months.

Things are much better for me this last week. I think I took a swing out of feeling down and I am back on the up. I'm coming off of a fun weekend too. Friday night, a few of my friends I grew up with and our spouses/boyfriends/fiances, met for dinner. I for sure had too much fun and paid for it a bit on Saturday. Saturday I road tripped with some girlfriends to see another girlfriend in Indy. There were 8 of us. We lunched, shopped, did make-up and hair tutorials while getting ready then had a fab dinner and a few drinks, followed by a homemade brunch on Sunday. Just happy to have had such a fun weekend with so many wonderful friends but I will admit in my old age, I am a bit exhausted today from it.

In other news,  a friend on FB posted the other day she was pregnant. We know each other from growing up but she lives in a different city now. It was interesting because her status basically stated, "After years of monthly disappointments, disruptive fertility treatments, countless blood tests and injections, a whole lot of money and a loss we are finally expecting." A few things about this. First, I thought it was pretty brave of her to put that all out there so I actually messaged her wishing her congratulations and basically telling her we also are having fertility issues. So we discussed what we both have gone through. Basically she told me she posted that to kind of open up a dialogue for anyone else who may be having issues, to ask her any questions or share stories. I like that she made herself available as a resource. I don't think I could do that so publicly myself on FB.  Wonderful always to hear another success story. Again, just keeping my hope and my mantra alive and breathing.   

In addition, another one of my friends told me she was pregnant last week. She is about 15 weeks along and this is her second baby. I was kind of bummed she did not tell me sooner. I hope it was just because we have not seen each other not because she was being sensitive to my feelings. I just don't want people to feel they cannot tell me they are pregnant because of how I may feel. I am so happy for her. And the only thing I was jealous of was the fact it was so easy to do, you know, to just have sex and get pregnant! 


The pharmacy called on Friday. I probably should call them back to get my med shipment set up. This is after stalking my RE office to send over the damn prescriptions.


Happy Monday everyone! Have a wonderful week!

Seems like an eternity

Until this next cycle is going to start.

I had an insurance issue last week. Basically they were not going to let me do this cycle because my FSH test was done on day 4 of my period instead of day 2-3. The reason why is because I got AF over New Years so the office was closed on the 2nd. After a lot of back and forth with my RE and the insurance company, my insurance approved it with some supervisor approval and if this cycle does not work and I am to do another cycle, I must have that test done day 2-3. Hopefully I won't have to worry about it.

And I have officially decided mums the word on this cycle, when I start, when the transfer is done and when the 2 week wait is. I want it to just be between J and I and the other players in the game (RE, nurse, tech, embryologist). Although, I cannot stay away from you ladies my fellow bloggers. I will be keeping up with your blogs and commenting like always.

I kind of feel empowered and glad about the decision. It is nice to take the pressure off of myself to talk about it with anyone else. So any of my friends out there who read my blog, I would appreciate it if you didn't ask about it. When I am ready to talk, we know all know I will.

Sending many prayers out to any of you who are hitting any bumps in the road in your pregnancies and any of you still waiting for your BFP.

Maybe I'll keep it all a secret

So I have been thinking I may keep this next cycle under wraps which even means no blogging. I think I kind of want to keep this next one to myself.

I had an interesting therapy session this week in which we talked about a plethora of topics. One of them was about how I want to believe this really can happen. To me.  That damn doubt is just hanging around. I know that is natural and the best advice she gave me is healthiest is probably a balance of both. To believe it can happen TO ME and that there is a chance it won't. I really want to just live in the positive but just feel like I cannot get stay there. And when I am there it is only for a brief stay. Why must this stupid infertility thing constantly confuse me?

And we talked about how open I have been with others talking about it but I think it's time I pull back a little and just deal with it with my husband and me. Just let the eggs fall as they may. Then I won't have to deal with questions or updates and just go through it.

And my dumb RE office is pissing me off. I am still waiting for them to contact my insurance to give them the start date so then I can get my drugs as well. This whole process just sucks. Why cannot this portion at least be easy?

Water Works

Sorry for the radio silence again. Just finding a good time to write. My week has been good. I am in this reorganization mode. We had our first snow yesterday (so pretty) so I am fine with staying in and organizing. And Container Store is having an Elfa sale so I may take on the task of full organization of our linen closet. It's just not linens, because we live in a condo everything goes in there, all cleaning supplies, toiliet paper, paper towels, toiletries so it really needs to be reconfigured. A good thing to put my energy into.

I was a crying mess at therapy on Tuesday. I do not know what it is about that place that brings the tears. I'm fine all week then bam. Maybe because I bottle it up and try to seem like everything is fine. I play the game of being thankful for what I have in my head. All I know is I will be in a better place this next cycle. One of my assignments from her was to talk to my husband about my true feelings about it. Which I have already done this week and it brought more tears. At some point I will be all cried out.

I also go to acupuncture on Tuesdays. It was my first time back since the holidays. It is so crazy. One minute needles in and awake, then bam totally sleeping. I really like it. I cannot believe how much it takes out of me, I was exhausted that night. I have seen changes in my periods so hopefully this is going to make this next IVF cycle different as well. I am really glad I am going.

And we have a busy weekend ahead. Tonight dinner and a comedy show with friends. Tomorrow my Danish teacher is having his Christmas party and J and I are going to go. And J is off on Monday for MLK day so hopefully a little fun then too.

Have a great weekend!

In a little over a month

I'll be doing shots. And not the good ones. I got my schedule yesterday and my first shot should be 2/11. So it is real and happening, again. This month I am going to take it easy. Going to keep work outing out. I know it does something with your hormones and I should be taking it east but I feel better when I am doing it. Stronger and healthier. My body felt ick, the last few weeks with the holiday indulgences and the no working out in Denmark.  But as of today, see you caffeine - we're on a break. And I am going to watch my sugar and carb intake. No binge drinking either. A glass of wine is fine, but nothing crazy. I got a little nervous reading yesterday on what I should have been doing for the last 90 days but I'm not going to be hard on myself. My therapist and I talked about it. Even if I followed everything by the book with preparing my body, it still might not work. I think our issue the last time was a question of genetics. So I need to do things within reason. People get pregnant all the time under much more dire circumstances than what I am dealing with.

And things are different this time around. My head is in it. I know this is possible, complete clean slate and no comparison to last time. I'm glad to have a therapist to talk to about it now. I am happy to get back to acupuncture next week. I just feel in a better place. Last time, I was pissed about sacrificing but this time I am more than willing to do what I need to but within reason. As long as I know my mind and spirit are 100% in this, I'm happy.

I am thinking too I should be incorporating some yoga to offset the spinning. I know my gym offers it. Need to look into that.....

Happy Friday everyone! Have a great weekend!

Spin me right round

Back on the workout train and feeling good. I went to spin this morning bright and early at 6:30. They got new bikes which are really nice and the instructor gave me a "Welcome back!" Glad I am finally back and the cold I got in Denmark is finally subsiding. Just bummed to think I need to stop in a few weeks. So crazy that our next IVF starts in just a few weeks. Getting more excited than scared.

I heard from one of my RE's nurses yesterday and they are waiting for him to write up my schedule and drug dosages. Excited to see what will be different. I have taken inventory of the drugs I have from last time and hoping when I am talking to the pharmacy they can take those drugs into account so at the end I am not stuck with all these drugs. Right now I have two full Gonal F pens, 15 vials of Menopur, 15 packs of Crinone, 6 Vivelle packages and some pain meds.

Glad the weekend is almost here. I have not seen my friends since the holiday madness and I can use some fun and socialization. Being locked in all week has made me a bit crazy.

Back to the corral

and the cattle call at the IVF clinic. I called this morning and they wanted me to come in right away and while I was in the waiting room I was laughing to myself. Packed with people. People going in, people coming out. New year, new patients. Some there with spouses and looking full of hope. Ho hum. Ultrasound (everything looked great ) check, bloodwork check, now just waiting for them to call to give me my BCP script. Not much has changed there, I'm just hoping this time around will be a much better outcome than last time.

After I headed over to my therapist's office. Good to see her after the new year. I had tons to talk about, prepping my head for next month's festivities. I'm feeling good right now. Back to acupuncture next week.

And today I being looking for a new J O B! That's kind of exciting. It was nice this morning to have total flexibility to just run out the door to the doctor. I think I need something PT. Best of both worlds, feeling accomplished and flexibility. But we shall see.

And so it begins, again

Sorry for the radio silence. Bad blogger in me. I had time in Denmark too. I think I was just taking a break away and building up for IVF #2. I'll be taking this week to catch up what is going on with all of you. Especially all of you who are having babies in 2012! Just think by next new year, so many of our lives will be changed. Anyway here is what has been happening with me.

Right after my birthday I had my first appointment with a new therapist. My gyne recommended her and she specializes in infertility. I think it took maybe three minutes of meeting her before I was crying but when I left I felt like the huge weight of everything that was sitting on my chest and in my mind had been lifted. Just in time for Christmas. I was not feeling as emotional after it. I think the one thing she told me that stuck with me is, it is ok to be sad about this. It is a big deal. It is a lot to go through and you do not necessarily have to act so strong about it. I think if I show my true feelings about it sometimes I feel so weak. Well I am letting that go. It is ok to think it is hard, unfair and it is ok to be sad. We'll be meeting on Tuesdays so I get to see her again tomorrow.

I got my Christmas spirit after that. Finished all my shopping and wrapping for Denmark. Had a few Christmas parties with friends. Then we left for Denmark on the 20th. The trip was so much fun. I cannot even tell you how much I love my in-laws. They are so loving and thoughtful and completely spoil us while we are there. We spent a night with Jacob's best friend too who lives in a different city from his parents. Just drinks and dinner with him and his girlfriend. And Christmas was perfect. They celebrate Christmas Eve in Denmark, so it was a day of church, lighting candles on the Christmas tree and singing around it and a visit from Juleman (aka Santa Claus). It was so fun to see my nieces and nephew so excited about him and their presents. It makes me look forward to it with our own kids. The meal was excellent too and I might have gotten a little too tipsy on the Christmas wine...The next few days were pretty laid back and when we left J's parents to go home, I was really sad. I just hate that we cannot see them more than we do. And it makes me sad for J.

On our last night,  J and I had dinner in Tivoli in Copenhagen. It is one of my favorite places to go to. There is just something magical about it. It is filled with lights and we were there during the fireworks. We are big foodies so we usually do an expensive over the top dinner for our birthdays. We waited until our trip to do it and this dinner was outstanding. Many delicious courses and wonderful wine pairings. And a great end to our trip. There was a table of 5 next to us; a bride and groom who just got married and their parents. She was pregnant so no booze for her but it was nice to see them celebrate.

We just got back right before New Years Eve. I had a cold and was not feeling well at all so we laid low. I had brunch with my girlfriends NYE morning but that night J and I just made a few appetizers, played a few games and hung out. I think we were in bed by 12:30. We are not big NYE people. We decided in the coming years, it will be best to celebrate NYE on vacation somewhere. We like to go out New Years day to watch the bowl games but I still was not feeling well and only the pro games were on anyway.

So today is the 2nd. So back to reality, back to life tomorrow (apparently J is off today too, so we are going to do something fun). Right now as I type, I am on hold with the clinic to schedule my baseline and bloodwork for today or tomorrow. I got AF on Friday (on the plane, isn't that lovely? Flying for 7 hours with cramps) so today is the first day I can get a hold of them. They are BUS-Y. I have been on hold for 45 minutes already and there are still two calls ahead of me. So this week, back on BCP. This month will be a month of detox. Low alcohol, caffeine. I plan on working out still because I know once day 5 of the shots hit, I won't be able to. So February, the month of love, is when our next cycle will be.

So many things I want to do and have happen this year, 1) get pregnant and have a baby, 2)  find a new job, PT or FT but something I enjoy, 3) move meaning sell the condo and buy a house (and a brief side note to say I LOVE PINTEREST). Those don't seem so big or unattainable right? These are normal goals for most people.

I spoke of my good friend (also an IFer) back in this post whose pregnancy I was so happy about. She was actually pregnant with twins. A few days before Christmas at 24 weeks, she went into labor and had an emergency c-section and gave birth to two beautiful twin boys. Both in the NICU now but tough as nails. Man these kids are fighters. Already they have been through so much. Please include them in your prayers.

Hope the holiday season was good to you all.  Happy New Year!  I hope this year, is the year dreams come true. For everyone.