Thursday, January 19, 2012

Maybe I'll keep it all a secret

So I have been thinking I may keep this next cycle under wraps which even means no blogging. I think I kind of want to keep this next one to myself.

I had an interesting therapy session this week in which we talked about a plethora of topics. One of them was about how I want to believe this really can happen. To me.  That damn doubt is just hanging around. I know that is natural and the best advice she gave me is healthiest is probably a balance of both. To believe it can happen TO ME and that there is a chance it won't. I really want to just live in the positive but just feel like I cannot get stay there. And when I am there it is only for a brief stay. Why must this stupid infertility thing constantly confuse me?

And we talked about how open I have been with others talking about it but I think it's time I pull back a little and just deal with it with my husband and me. Just let the eggs fall as they may. Then I won't have to deal with questions or updates and just go through it.

And my dumb RE office is pissing me off. I am still waiting for them to contact my insurance to give them the start date so then I can get my drugs as well. This whole process just sucks. Why cannot this portion at least be easy?


  1. I can understand that. Even though we all support each other here- it's hard to not feel pressure in some way or another for it to work! I am supportive of you either way and wish you the best of luck with this next round! :)

  2. You have to do what is right for you. But, we will be cheering you on in your absence!!!!

    P.S. Loving your blog design :)

  3. I understand this desire completely!!! With our last cycle (IVF3) we told minimal people IRL (my parents, sister, grandmother and my boss) only. While it was stressful in it's own way, trying to avoid people and not talk about IF or obviously what was consuming our life at the time, it was overall less stressful. Yes I thought about it constantly bc of daily appts, shots, pills etc, but I also didn't have the calls/texts daily asking about the appts, shots, status of my ovaries and then after the transfer if I was 'feeling' pregnant yet.
    I did continue to blog, as a release and document for my record, but I pulled away from reading many blogs. It helped me focus on us, positive things and not what everyone else was doing, how they were responding and comparing etc.
    If you do pull yourself out of bloggerville during it, best of luck and i'll still route for you!

  4. I did the same. People mean the best but having to update or explain is sstressful. You will know what is best for you and sometimes it's circling the wagons and taking a step back. Couldn't love you more. Xoxo

  5. I totally understand that. No one knows about our IUI (except 2 cousins now) I am continuing to blog for my own sanity. If you do decide to go away for a bit I will miss you so much. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Good Luck!

  6. I definitely understand the need to keep a cycle quiet... I chose however to keep this next cycle secret from everyone in my real life. Basically only my mom knows. I am however, continuing to blog about it as a support system for myself. Keeps me from going crazy I think! Regardless, whatever your decision is... I hope this is the cycle for you. Will be crossing my fingers!