A Good Sign

Happy Monday! Weekend was fun, wedding was fab. This morning we had our follow-up appointment with our RE. It was raining the whole drive there and I did not sleep too well last night. It could have been because of the weekend antics with drinking and the wedding but it was more anxiety about what he was going to tell us. My husband and I have tried to be realistic about all of this including our failure. I mean the day you find out you are not pregnant is a large blow but in the days after you gain much more perspective on the situation.

All in all it was very positive. We talked about this cycle. Pretty much I responded well to the drugs, all my numbers were good, lining was good etc. I had 8 mature eggs of 14 so the next time we will up the drugs in the beginning, then taper down if need be to get more eggs and hopefully more mature eggs. I was on the average dosages. We still had 6 of 8 fertilize but they only defrosted one vial (we have 11 left) so the next round we may defrost a few more to be as selective with J's sperm as possible. And then we talked about a day 3 transfer as opposed to a day 5 transfer. The fact they made it to day 5 is positive. Depending on what the embryos will look like the next time we do this, we may opt to put maybe 3 in day 3 instead of waiting until day 5 but obviously it is hard to speculate without looking at them. The whole meeting was full of hope and reassurance, and lucky for us, no major red flags. It just didn't work this time.

We have decided to stay with this RE. We both really like him and his patient care. The first cycle was just a learning experience for us. We are much wiser for the next time because of it. At least I know what I should be asking, looking for and monitoring. I think the worse thing about this was the communication of what was going on with the fertilization/embryo growing during our cycle but more because we were clueless. They will hear from me next cycle, and often.

So we asked the question well, what next and when do we do another cycle? Our RE believes I have a good ovarian reserve even at my age so yeah for that. If this was not the case, I think he would have pushed us to do it sooner than later. But we talked about it and early next year is optimal after the holidays. Nothing going on, cold and snowy here, no vacations, traveling, holidays or celebrations to distract our mindframe, we can solely concentrate on this. I am excited again about it. Even years have been good to J and I. Met and engaged in '08, married in '10 and hopefully a baby in '12.

And then the rainbow came out on the way home. Maybe some sort of sign, maybe not. Regardless it made me happy.

I know this will work for J and I and it is only a matter of time and it is worth all of this time, energy and even the heartache. We have too many good things in our lives to let this bring us down. It's just our challenge. Everyone has them and this will be one of ours. All I can do is take care of my body, be positive and patient.  I should be practicing patience anyway because it is one of the weakest things about me and I will need lots of it when I become a mom.