Wednesday, September 7, 2011


Only two more days until our Beta. 8am Friday morning. Thank God. I thought the actual shots were going to be hard, um no.  I thought the procedures (retrieval/transfer) were going to be hard, um no. I thought this wait would not be bad. LIES!!! The wait has not been as bad as much as it has been to stay positive during it. And I am just constantly irritated. I do not know if it is the hormones, PMS (I obviously hope not) or what but I am on edge. In addition my allergies are off the hook right now. I had to call the nurse yesterday because I just could not deal with them anymore. She told me I could take Benadryl which in turn knocked me out last night and now I think this is a full blown cold. It moved into my chest and now I am just feeling awful. Constantly blowing my nose. My lovely husband told me the reason I may have a cold is because I am pregnant and my immune system is down. I hope so, cause then all this misery is sooo worth it. I think yesterday alone I sneezed 150 times.

As far as symptoms go, I have had no spotting. I am usually not a spotter ever so nothing out of the ordinary. From days 2-4 I was extremely crampy in both my back and abdomen. The days 5-6 they let up. Then they were in full force yesterday. Of course stupid me took a test the morning of day 6 and got a BFN.  I just keep telling myself it was way too early to test. Plus with our blast and morula being slow growers to begin with (apparently the Danish laid back European side of them; not the hurried and crazy Filipino German American side) I am attributing it to that as well. They are just not ready to show up yet. It broke my heart to see my husband so upset about it. So we decided no more tests until Friday. No need to stress ourselves out more than we already are. The best therapy seems to be talking to them. Telling them how much we want them and love them already.

I also had a crying breakdown yesterday. It seems to happen the days I have to change those dumb Vivelle patches so my hormones go through the roof. I came home from the grocery store and was putting things away and literally just started crying and could not stop. My husband works from home so it was nice to have him here to hug. Just from this one cycle, we have grown closer so much and it is making us feel so strong that nothing is going to break us no mater what our future holds. It is just all soo much.

And I am tired of being fucked with by these drugs. Between the mood swings and the symptoms that could be caused by them or the pregnancy I am just not feeling like dealing.  I just need to keep telling myself, that my faith is going to get me through this, and there is always plenty of hope and I need to stay positive.


  1. Girl, I am praying for you...I wish i had some words to make you feel better..... XOXO

  2. I'm crossing my fingers for you!! Good luck on Friday!

  3. Best of luck on Friday! It is so close!!! Thinking of you and sending you a much strength as I can : )