Surprise!

Well after being in Nashville and Atlanta the last few days, we are five hours from Florida! Sun, fun and my parents house! And today is the day we tell them we are pregnant! We have our ultrasound pic so I think we will just show them and tell them. Although I am slightly scared daily for our second ultrasound in a week and a half I am also constantly reminding myself what will be will be. So again just enjoying it. It is so weird to say "I'm pregnant." and talk about it like it is real, but it is. I've lucked out with no morning sickness thus far, just a little nausea at times and an upset stomach if I don't eat every few hours. Cramps and twinges still here and there. I think my body is adjusted to the hormones as I am sure it is thinking this is nothing compared to the shots during IVF. Still very tired. I've tried to sneak in little naps during the day so I am not pooped at night and it works.

Greetings from the Road

It is about 3:30 Eastern time and we are approaching Louisville, KY. Only 3 more hours to Nashville. The road trip has been pretty fun so far. One bathroom break, a food and gas stop(Chick-Fil-A, Yum) and a whole lot of exciting talk about the baby! Our ultrasound went great this morning! Baby measuring right on the money at 5 weeks, 6 days. We saw the gestational sac, the yolk sac and the little Gobbler. That's my name for the baby as my due date should fall right before Thanksgiving! And it loves to eat. The heartbeat was 99 bpm, which I was worried was low but it's not even officially 6 weeks yet. So no fretting, just enjoying. They wanted me to come back next week but we will still be gone so I am going to make my appointment for April 4th right after we come back. I'll be just about 8 weeks. We are very excited. A great start to our vacation and even when it ends I'll be so happy as we get to see the baby again.

Vacation

T Minus three days! We are really excited to get out of this place for a few weeks. A ton of relaxing and fun in the sun.  Not that we should be complaining about the weather where we live. We have been lucky to have the most beautiful days of weather in March ever.

I have had such great weekend.  I had a girls cocktail party on Friday night then a 30th b-day party. I had to head home at 11:30. I've been really trying to listen to my body and not push anything. Yesterday a friend had a St. Paddy's day party during the day. A ton of fun and I really didn't miss drinking. My husband  hit it pretty hard but he was that good drunk that was funny not at all annoying. We were home by 6 and I was in bed by 8:30. And today I'll be hitting downtown with a few of my friends to do a little shopping and then out to dinner with J.

My last beta came in on Friday at 1,888. I'm glad it keeps rising. Symptoms are good, cramps here and there and fatigue and tiredness later in the day. The boob pain has not let up. My first ultrasound is Wednesday at 10am then right after we hit the road for our long road trip to Florida.

We are going to make a few stops along the way. We first wanted to go to Memphis but of course the procrastinators we both are waited to book a hotel this weekend and they are all full. So we changed the plan and our first stop will be Nashville. Which is better anyway because it cuts about and hour - two hours off of the trip. We are in Nashville for two days then to Atlanta for a day then we'll arrive in Florida Saturday sometime. I usually hate car trips (too many as a kid) but looking forward to it with J. Just him and I and the open road and hours to talk about the crazy future ahead. Plus my acupuncturist thought it was a good idea to drive as she would not recommend flying right now.

I'm hoping our ultrasound brings good news of progression of this pregnancy. Our only expectation is one strong growing baby. If there is two, I think we will be shocked but of course happy.  My parents have been in Florida since New Years and have no clue we did another round of IVF so we're excited to tell them we are pregnant. My sister and her family are going too so we'll be spending the week laying in the sun, going to Disney, Epcot and just hanging out at my parents house. My RE says I cannot swim. Too early in the pregnancy so the risk of infection is high. The nurse told me I can dip in and out of the pool to cool off but cannot sit in the pool or actually swim. I'll be glad when all the restrictions are lifted (no working out, lifting or sex) but if having a healthy full term pregnancy means these restrictions continue and more, I will gladly take them. I will have to say though the sex restriction at this point is killing me, as well as my husband. It does get annoying I cannot just be normal and pregnant but I am truly hoping in another month I can at least stop taking my meds.

Thank you everyone for all your congratulations and good wishes. We are truly happy and taking it all in day by day.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!

IF - KEEP OUT

I've been wanting to blog some more these last few days but our Mac needed fixing so we took it to the Apple doctor. We got it back and all is good back in our household. I just hate blogging from my phone and the iPad. The keyboard is just not the same and neither is navigating web pages.

What a few days it has been for us. We had our second beta yesterday at 14dp5dt and it was 713. We have our third one Friday and hopefully our first ultrasound next Tuesday and Wednesday to see the sacs before we leave for vacation.  I'm feeling good.  My cramps finally subsided. But my boobs get sorer by the day and I am very lucky that I have had no spotting. Hungry and tired. Sleep has been an issue. I think the first few days it was the excitement but I now think it is anxiety. Not about the pregnancy as much, I cannot believe it but I can keep that at bay, but more for getting everything done in 9 months. My therapist and I talked about it yesterday so I am working on it and I hope today at acupuncture she can do something too.

It's hard to believe a week ago I was on the roller coaster of doubt. Last Tuesday and Friday (before we got the news) were bad days for me consumed with next steps for another cycle, how this cycle did not work. J always had a good feeling and I would say 80% of the time I would too but that 20% still got me. And even though I know this pregnancy can change at any point I am just trying to live in the moment. Am I scared at times? Of course, but no more than anyone else pregnant for the first time. I know IF can bring so much more into that but I am just not letting it. My husband told me his biggest fear was always just getting pregnant but once I was it would be fine. And all signs are pointing to fine right now. Every step provides a little more reassurance. Another beta, the first ultrasound, another ultrasound, etc. I know once we have an ultrasound I will feel better but no matter what we see, it doesn't give us a guarantee. But I do know that I refuse to not let IF at this point ruin any of our excitement and hopes. And most of all my happiness.

And I still hate it every day with more followers and reading more stories, how this is affecting so many of us. How it is unfair and a bunch of bullshit when others around us look at each other and get pregnant. Even after getting a BFP, you don't forget. You don't forget the struggle. And I am not forgetting about any of your struggles and how I hope for everyone that you just get pregnant and get those babies and have those families we dream of.

Sorry for the suspense

First, I am soo soo sorry I have not posted until now. Thank you for all you lovelies caring so much about what is happening, and wanting to know! Don't know how I would be surviving all this without you all. There is so much more to say than just in this post about the whole 2WW and my downs during it, but like I said I wanted to find out and process a little which is what I did. And of course I wanted to tell a few people (who I also would tell if anything went wrong) and today brought about some clarity to write because yesterday was a whirlwind. And I am still feeling the aftermath. So I am sure you can guess...

I AM PREGNANT

It feels so good to write those words. I cannot even believe it. I am still in shock. But oozing with happiness!!!

My beta was 149. We found out yesterday after work. I came home and J was already drinking scotch to calm his nerves. He listened to the message first because I was so scared. He looked red and teary-eyed so I was shaking my head NO! but then he told me it was positive. And then of course I had to listen to the message. Twice.

And I finally took a home test and sure enough, two lines.

I go for my next beta on Tuesday and I just am feeling good about all of this. I'm not letting those evil IF thoughts or doubts even get in on this. So I am going to bask in the positive. And not predict the future. And not worry for now, what is next.

We celebrated at dinner with a mocktail for me and cocktail for my husband. It was funny because we got a table at the window facing the street in a very busy neighborhood in our city. In the time we were eating, three very pregnant ladies (one carrying ice cream ironically) walked by and one kid had a full on meltdown in front of our window. What are the chances of that? After that, I looked at J and said, "What did we do?" But then of course laughed.

I'm just happy. At least today. I couldn't even sleep last night. Just too much excitement.

I am however thinking of the ladies cycling with me over at MyFertilityBlog and Hope Delayed who have their betas today. A big prayer to you both that today is filled with good news.

And I have more posts this week coming up, thoughts on the 2WW, therapy and of course A GIVEAWAY so I hope you stay tuned!!!

Have a wonderful Saturday!

Barfing with anxiety

Not literally. I had my beta early this morning and just waiting for the call. My husband and I will listen to the news together after work. Then I will need process. Then hopefully I can pull it together for an update. I do know we have dinner plans tonight either to celebrate or get wasted. Obviously I hope it is NOT the latter. I can't even think about symptoms right now. Cause it don't matter anymore. The verdict is in today.

6dp5dt

Hi all. Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. After being cooped up in the house all week, I had to get out for a bit. Husband and I went out for dinner Friday night. I had the most delicious mocktail. Muddled blueberries and raspberries, lime juice, sour mix, simple syrup and soda water. I plan on recreating it at home. It was a fun date, good food, good drinks and convo about our potential baby or babies.

Anyhoo, as far as any symptoms, the breast pain I am experiencing is off the hook. Seriously any slight movement and there is extreme pain. Could be the progesterone (bitch) but I do not remember last time being in this much pain as far as the girls are concerned. And breakfast and I are not sitting well together today. I cannot wait for this week to be over to know what these symptoms actually mean.

Even if our beta is positive, I will not feel out of the woods this trimester until we see a heartbeat(s). We leave for vacation on the 21st for 10-12 days (more on this in another post) so I am hoping if yes we are pregnant we'll get to see something before we depart.

My husband left yesterday for a business trip. He comes back tomorrow and I thought the moment he left I would want to test and I have no desire. I'll keep the hope alive as long as I can. I am just calmer about the whole thing. I just feel at peace at least until we find out. Then we shall see.

And so many other ladies out there in their 2WW! I'm praying for us all, that we get our BFPs and can move on to the next phase of anxiety!

Which PS what is with the cycle sistas logo/tag? If you click it, it goes to some other website. I took it off my page.

Also I am very close to 50 followers so today I am venturing out to look for something cute to give out for my giveaway. I will be posting more this week.

Happy Monday!!

Happy and full of hope - 2dp5dt

This whole process has been way better this time around, despite the slight dramas before it all started. They were worth it. I feel happy and full of hope. Last time around I already felt this did not work. And now I am trying to believe it actually will happen.

Our retrieval was 9 (6 mature) as opposed to 14 (8 mature) the last time. I was a little sad about it but reminded myself it's quality over quantity. We had 4 fertilize this time as opposed to last time we had 6. But we still in the end we had 3 like last time. They also defrosted more vials of our sperm (3 as opposed to 1 the last time). Transferred two good quality full blasts (as opposed to the average blast and morula last time) on day 5 and the last one made it to freeze yesterday. I could not be happier with any of this. Just way better than last time.

And my plan worked! I posted this after our last cycle about our embryologist. We didn't really like him last time but I think it helped that this time around, we actually knew everything he was talking about. And Tuesday we were chatting with him like we were old friends. Him and us chatting about Cross-Fit. I guess easier to do when he is delivering good news.

And the valium before the transfer. It's so fun that valium. Needless to say once it wore off, I took a nice nap. I went to my last acupuncture that evening and my acupuncturist basically said, "Just call me when you get your beta back."

Last two days spent time resting, planning for our upcoming spring road trip (more on that later), reading mags, tv, etc. My sister came yesterday and brought food and cooked for us. It was nice to spend time with her too.

All I can say is I am so happy. Last time I was already so defeated at this point. But right now, I am so positive. I just hope I can remain this way through next week.

Oh please let this be the cycle! Let this be a long, viable pregnancy. With increasing betas, ultrasounds and heartbeats and a baby(ies) in the end.