I am always one to open up to people. Even about my current situation with trying to conceive. But beginning a blog and putting it all out there seems scarier than sitting down with one of my friends or even a stranger face to face to discuss our situation.
I think I am a bit different than others heading towards IVF because there really has not been any built up at this point. We tried for 6 months, had some preliminary testing and found the issue. So I unlike others on this crazy path have not had any bouts with fertility drugs, IUIs, miscarriages etc. Right to the big show. And although I am excited for my road ahead, I cannot help but feel extremely guilty for not being more gung ho about it. I have read about so many others out there who have done everything to have a child, given up so much of themselves for so long and willing to do anything and I am having a hard time getting to that point. But I think it is because I really am trying to not think about what is ahead.
I do not want to do shots, or give up drinking or working out. I do not want to be moody, cry, gain weight and not feel that my body is my own. And although I know it is all going to be worth it in the end, to have a baby, a part of me and my husband, it is still hard for me to wrap my arms around the idea that I am one of those women now, the one who is doing IVF.
My husband is the most upbeat, positive person ever and has the most amazing outlook on all of this. It will work for us. We know it deep down. I hate that he has guilt about this because the issue is his. And I know of the tables were reversed, he would be so supportive. Every day I get more on board as I know the process is looming around the corner. So today I will get over the guilt and get on board. Because the most amazing thing is about to happen to me.
Thanks for reading and please follow on my journey, we can use all of the help we can get!